Let us turn now to the analysis of hateration. (How great is that word? I believe it was made popular via this brilliant Mary J. Blige song.)
Sometimes I’ll visit one of my videos on YouTube and be met with feedback like this:
This is so gay.
not funny at all.
you’ll never make it please just give up.
your a dumb bitch and you are not funny.
Back when I was new to the whole putting stuff online thing, comments like this would have given me that full-body flush of mortification that one tends to get when reading unexpectedly negative feedback about oneself. But now that I’ve been publishing writing and videos on the ‘net for several years, I find that I’m no longer affected by such rancour — aside from being perturbed that “that’s so gay” is still in vogue as a generic pejorative. Comments like this are so hyperbolic and patently ridiculous that it’s impossible to take them personally. Sometimes I’m even impressed by the creativity on display. An anonymous commenter once told me that he hoped I would die while having an abortion. The specificity of that request was strangely amusing.
Most times it’s not worth replying to hateful internet comments, but if you’re feeling a bit cheeky and can’t resist a comeback, here’s the best strategy: humour and compassion. For real. It works every time. I tend to go for something like this:
But my friend Anthony Carboni, who hosts the Revision3 show Bytejacker, always has the best responses:
Why is it important to keep your replies low-key and funny? Because in almost all cases, people don’t actually hate you. They hate their own, often misconceived idea of you, or what you represent, or the way that you somehow remind them of a failing or inadequacy or missed opportunity.
Think about the times when you’ve mouthed off about a celebrity or claimed you hated someone you’ve never met. We’ve all done it. Unless you are some kind of anomalous do-gooder with the constitution of a Care Bear, it’s likely you’ve snarked about someone’s appearance, behaviour or life’s work. But was it really about that particular person? Or was there something about them that made you uncomfortable because it was symptomatic of a greater ill?
I understand what’s behind the online hateration, especially when it comes from The Youth. I remember what it was like to feel frustrated and disempowered. I remember wishing that I could speak up and that people would listen and understand. A lot of people feel that way. And the internet is there, with its anonymity cloak and text input box, inviting you to unleash vitriol on the nearest convenient target. So of course people will take out their frustrations on people who don’t deserve it.
I won’t lie — there are times when I read comments and feel crappy. Sometimes I’ll be teetering on the edge of a bad mood, and a few choice words will sent me hurtling into the chasm of self-doubt. But the comments that hurt are always the ones that seize upon some pre-existing point of insecurity and lay it bare for the world to see. I don’t really care if someone tells me that my face looks like a smashed crab, or that I should get Botox injections in my jaw (which was a comment on a recent Rocketboom video!), but comments about weight and lack of intellect do occasionally sting. That’s because I’ve had complexes about those issues in the past. But now I just think about the person behind the comment, and how it’s a shame that they’re so unhappy with their own life that they feel the need to throw a virtual rock at someone else. If only I could send them all a copy of the Robot Unicorn Attack board game.
Rules of engagement with haters
- Never write an angry reply. It’s not worth the energy. Save that passion for creating more cool stuff to put online.
- Respond with humour and compassion. It gives them nowhere to go and makes you look like the level-headed, roll-with-it person you are. They’ll just come across as more of a tool.
- Wanting to be liked and accepted is a fundamental human desire, but don’t rely on external validation from anonymous internerds to bolster your self-esteem. That’s what friends and family are for!
- Know that you can’t please everyone. Nor should you try to. Do what you think is smart, or funny, or affecting. Do not dilute your ideas because you are afraid of how they will be received.
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