From the category archives:

Internet

What I’ve been doing with my life

by Ella on November 25, 2011

Oh, hello. I hope things are well in your corner of the earth.

When last we spoke, I looked a little something like this:

Right now, I look more like this:

You would not believe the influence that a ten-dollar box of hair dye can have. This one simple change, from red to almost-black, has been received with shock, indignation, disappointment, excitement and cries of “How could you?” Granted, most of these responses have come from people I have never met — people who make themselves known via YouTube comments and Facebook replies. But the reaction from my real-life friends has been similarly pronounced.

My hair had been red since high school. I originally dyed it because I was an X-Files fiend, and flame-haired Scully was my smart-is-sexy, power-suited, judgey homegirl. At the time I was in search of an identity. I was fading, both physically and emotionally, and changing my hair to a vibrant shade seemed a simple way to say “Hey, I’m here! Notice me!”

The red stayed for 11 years. It became an intrinsic part of my personality. I would tell people that I was meant to be a redhead, that there had been some genetic mistake. I liked the fact that red was less common than brown or blonde or black.

At the same time, I felt a bit trapped by it. Defining myself by my hair color — for example, calling my blog “Sprinkle of Ginger” — made me feel like I had to stay that way forever. It began to feel like a caricature.

It’s a well-known trope that women make drastic hair changes in response to upheaval in their lives. Midway through this year, things got chaotic. My employment situation became unstable and scary, things got weird in the realm of romance, and I became eager to shake things up. The obvious answer was a Bettie Page hairdo.

After a brief identity crisis — every time I passed a mirror I would do a double-take — I am happy to be free of the red. This does bring up a vexing matter, though: what to do with Sprinkle of Ginger? Convert it to Sprinkle of Pepper, perhaps? It’s not like I’ve been updating it lately, but I hate the idea of it vanishing into the digital ether. I may just leave it up in archival mode. Still pondering that one.

So, now that you have an essay on why I changed my hair, here are some of the other things I’ve been up to since my last post.

I was in a music video for a delightful Australian band called Boy & Bear. I got to dress up all steampunky and run through the forest toward my astronomer sweetheart. Here’s the video:

I left Rocketboom. In the two years I was there I had some incredible experiences — interviewing Cookie Monster, learning trapeze, swordfighting, re-enacting scenes from Ghostbusters outdoors when it was below freezing — and met some kick-ass people, many of whom I continue to collaborate with. There were a lot of changes going on behind the scenes, though, and it was time to say toodle-pipski and seek out something new.

So you know how I like writing, yeah? I mean, it’s a thing I do from time to time. Well, it’s kind of my main thing now. It began when I co-wrote The RecordSetter Book of World Records, a process that took almost a year and forced me to strangle the demon in my head that yells “Your writing sucks! You’ll be the laughing stock of the universe if you submit this awful manuscript!”

Thankfully I was working with an amazing project manager who was all smiles but didn’t let me get away with missing deadlines or falling into a spiral of self-hate. He also brought these little sugar-free berry-flavored candies to the office, and I ate so many that I finally learned the meaning of the phrase “Excessive consumption may have a laxative effect.” Thank you, Marc Haeringer.

The book is available now and you can find out more about it — and buy it, if you want to make me really happy – here.

For the last year I’ve been volunteering at 826NYC, a non-profit dedicated to helping kids with their creative writing skills. I mainly help out at the storytelling field trips, which involve getting a class of whippersnappers to write a story and have it published within the two-hour session. We get them to brainstorm characters, settings and conflicts, emphasizing that there are no limits beyond being original.

The ideas these kids come up with are brilliant. It’s been inspiring to watch them excitedly propose a new plot point without restraint or any sense of self-censorship. Their stories are funny, adventurous and a delight to read, and the joy they find in the creative process is something I think about when angsting over the way to word a sentence. Here’s the first page of a story by a class of first-graders:

At the moment I am writing the Atlas Obscura book. It’s a big project that will take me well into 2012, and I am beyond delighted to be working on it. Atlas Obscura is a compendium of the world’s most wondrous places, and I’ve been spending my days reading about lost explorers, looking at photos of ossuaries and having long conversations about Tesla with the other adventure-loving nerdlings in the office. As someone who used to pore over encyclopedias as bedtime reading, this is my dream job. And I get to work with Marc the Compassionate Taskmaster again.

Lastly, I just started a project that I am most excited about. I launched a podcast. It’s called Ellipsis, and it’s pretty much the audio continuation of my Sprinkle of Ginger posts. I talk about creativity, inspiration, going nuts, living in New York, embarrassing childhood memories and many other things. There is a different guest every week. Press play to hear the first episode, featuring Mememolly:

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If you like it, I’d love it if you subscribed in iTunes. Here is the link. There is more info about the podcast at its own site, ellipsispodcast.com.

So that’s about it. What have you been up to lately?

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How to cope when people hate you

by Ella on April 20, 2010

Pic by badjonni at FlickrLet us turn now to the analysis of hateration. (How great is that word? I believe it was made popular via this brilliant Mary J. Blige song.)

Sometimes I’ll visit one of my videos on YouTube and be met with feedback like this:

This is so gay.
not funny at all.
you’ll never make it please just give up.
your a dumb bitch and you are not funny.

Back when I was new to the whole putting stuff online thing, comments like this would have given me that full-body flush of mortification that one tends to get when reading unexpectedly negative feedback about oneself. But now that I’ve been publishing writing and videos on the ‘net for several years, I find that I’m no longer affected by such rancour — aside from being perturbed that “that’s so gay” is still in vogue as a generic pejorative. Comments like this are so hyperbolic and patently ridiculous that it’s impossible to take them personally. Sometimes I’m even impressed by the creativity on display. An anonymous commenter once told me that he hoped I would die while having an abortion. The specificity of that request was strangely amusing.

Most times it’s not worth replying to hateful internet comments, but if you’re feeling a bit cheeky and can’t resist a comeback, here’s the best strategy: humour and compassion. For real. It works every time. I tend to go for something like this:

YouTube comments

But my friend Anthony Carboni, who hosts the Revision3 show Bytejacker, always has the best responses:

Picture 18

Why is it important to keep your replies low-key and funny? Because in almost all cases, people don’t actually hate you. They hate their own, often misconceived idea of you, or what you represent, or the way that you somehow remind them of a failing or inadequacy or missed opportunity.

Think about the times when you’ve mouthed off about a celebrity or claimed you hated someone you’ve never met. We’ve all done it. Unless you are some kind of anomalous do-gooder with the constitution of a Care Bear, it’s likely you’ve snarked about someone’s appearance, behaviour or life’s work. But was it really about that particular person? Or was there something about them that made you uncomfortable because it was symptomatic of a greater ill?

I understand what’s behind the online hateration, especially when it comes from The Youth. I remember what it was like to feel frustrated and disempowered. I remember wishing that I could speak up and that people would listen and understand. A lot of people feel that way. And the internet is there, with its anonymity cloak and text input box, inviting you to unleash vitriol on the nearest convenient target. So of course people will take out their frustrations on people who don’t deserve it.

I won’t lie — there are times when I read comments and feel crappy. Sometimes I’ll be teetering on the edge of a bad mood, and a few choice words will sent me hurtling into the chasm of self-doubt. But the comments that hurt are always the ones that seize upon some pre-existing point of insecurity and lay it bare for the world to see. I don’t really care if someone tells me that my face looks like a smashed crab, or that I should get Botox injections in my jaw (which was a comment on a recent Rocketboom video!), but comments about weight and lack of intellect do occasionally sting. That’s because I’ve had complexes about those issues in the past. But now I just think about the person behind the comment, and how it’s a shame that they’re so unhappy with their own life that they feel the need to throw a virtual rock at someone else. If only I could send them all a copy of the Robot Unicorn Attack board game.

Rules of engagement with haters

  • Never write an angry reply. It’s not worth the energy. Save that passion for creating more cool stuff to put online.
  • Respond with humour and compassion. It gives them nowhere to go and makes you look like the level-headed, roll-with-it person you are. They’ll just come across as more of a tool.
  • Wanting to be liked and accepted is a fundamental human desire, but don’t rely on external validation from anonymous internerds to bolster your self-esteem. That’s what friends and family are for!
  • Know that you can’t please everyone. Nor should you try to. Do what you think is smart, or funny, or affecting. Do not dilute your ideas because you are afraid of how they will be received.
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Fans and followers: The internet and self-obsession

January 24, 2010

LiveJournal-era camwhoring, circa 2002
The internet and I have a very complex relationship. Look, I adore the ol’ World Wide Web. It’s been a part of my life since I was 13, with innumerable positive effects. But at the same time, I resent it for the social and psychological shifts that it’s provoked, [...]

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Five videos that’ll put a smile on your dial

January 15, 2010

Lately I’ve been amassing a collection of online videos that are guaranteed to make a bad day better. Here are a few for your viewing pleasure. Feel free to share your own favourites in the comments!
Benedick and Beatrice getting tricked in Much Ado About Nothing
This wondrous film was released in 1993. It’s [...]

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Facebook, Twitter and living in front of an audience

April 15, 2009
Thumbnail image for Facebook, Twitter and living in front of an audience

The addictive nature of Facebook and Twitter appears to be based on one puzzling precept: that telling people you are doing something is better than actually doing it. Rather than being content to simply experience life in the real world, we feel compelled to report the details in real-time to an audience of Friends [...]

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