Things to do in New York

Legions of people — I’m talking at least two — have asked me for tips on what to see and do when visiting New York. So here are a few suggestions. They range from bleedingly obvious guidebook stalwarts to slightly more obscure, stumbled-upon treasures.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art (Map)
If aliens ever land and fancy learning about human civilisation before getting zappy with the ray-guns, a few hours at the Met would bring them up to speed. Within those walls is the story of humanity — and it’s the unabridged version. From Egyptian temples to medieval armour to entire rooms decked out in 18th century finery, this place has it all. There is also a sweet view from the rooftop garden, as you can see below.

Sunday brunch
Also known as “legitimising a midday mimosa binge”, Sunday brunch is one of this city’s most indulgent hallmarks. A top-notch brunch place must satisfy a holy trinity of requirements: a laidback atmosphere, comforting hangover-friendly food, and prices that won’t exacerbate the heart attack brought on by the extra-cheesy huevos rancheros. Here are a few that qualify.

• Cornelia Street Cafe in the West Village (Map)
• Poco in the East Village (Map)
• Penelope in Murray Hill (Map)
• Public in SoHo (Map)

American Museum of Natural History (Map)
Dinosaurs! Space! Gemstones! This place is a funny fusion of the old-school and the ultra-modern: one half of the museum houses dusty exhibits from the 50s and 60s, such as the faintly revisionist cyclorama of the pilgrims meeting Native Americans and being all “Hey! We brought cake! Let’s be BFFs!” Tacked onto the side, however, is a spankin’ new planetarium where celebrity voiceovers give you the lowdown on all things cosmological.

Also, you can strike silly poses among the giant dinos in the lobby. Like this nerd.

Candle Cafe (Map)
It’s vegan, but you wouldn’t know it. Order the seitan chimichurri. Not only is it spectacularly fun to say, the taste is akin to what heaven would taste like if it were distilled into a savoury appetiser.

Shake Shack (Map)
The flagship outlet of this cult burger joint is so ridiculously popular that its website features a live webcam so you can check the length of the queue before venturing out to join it. Your best bet is to go early in the day or during a torrential rainstorm. Otherwise, expect a lengthy wait for the ultra thick shakes — known as concretes — and fangtastic burgers.

Pearl River (Map)
Fancy a full-sized, handpainted parasol for $4.50? Or perhaps a miniature bamboo birdcage? Howsabout a pair of cheapo kung-fu shoes? Pearl River has all this and a baffling array of more, more, more. Come here if you want to play dress-ups or nab a non-tacky New York souvenir.

The Peoples Improv Theater (Map)
Do you enjoy laughing and/or fun? Then hit up The PIT for a dose of sweet, sweet improvised comedy. On Wednesday nights all shows are free, and the standard is high — current cast members include Ellie Kemper from The Office and Flight Of The Conchords’ Kristen Schaal.

The New York Public Library (Map)
You simply must visit the main reading room — it’s fantastically ornate, and natural light floods in through the giant windows. It was also the location for that bit in Ghostbusters where Bill Murray interrogates the spooked-out elderly librarian. (“Back off, man, I’m a scientist.”)

Lula’s Sweet Apothecary (Map)
Another vegan place — I know, I’ve gone all hippy on you — but by Jove is it amazing. Lula’s serves up luscious ice cream made from who-knows-what. Cashew milk or something. Who cares — have a taste of the cake batter soft serve and you will lose the ability to think rationally or question what’s in front of you. The place is decked out in 50s milk-bar style and the staff are lovely, allowing you to sample as many ice cream flavours as you desire.

ABC Carpet and Home (Map)
This place is misleadingly named. It sounds boring as all get-out, but walk inside and you’ll find five floors of amazing homewares, furniture and antiques. Said antiques include things like a freakin’ 17th Century Chinese harem-style canopy bed, just sitting there in the middle of the shop floor. You won’t be able to afford 90 per cent of the stock, but it’s damn fun to look.

Maxilla & Mandible (Map)
If you didn’t quite get your fill of trilobytes when visiting the Natural History Museum, take a side-trip to the nearby M&M. This teeny shop bills itself as “The World’s First and Only Osteological Store”. Translation: Fossils! Skulls! Dead butterflies, pinned and framed for your convenience! (Relax: they died in their sleep after living very fulfilling lives.)

6BC Garden (Map)
If you’re in New York during the warmer months you can visit this tiny oasis in the East Village. It’s a carefully tended mini botanical garden wedged between two buildings, and is simply lovely on a sunny summer afternoon. Climb the stairs to the treehouse, sit on the balcony and feel the serenity.

Pic by Zeb

The Daily Show/The Colbert Report
To get tickets to either of these shows you will need to either plan your trip a year in advance or line-up early in the morning on the day of the taping and pray you’ll receive standby tickets. Or, if you’re a Twitter tragic and die-hard Stevo fan, you can follow @colberttix on Twitter and pounce the moment extra tickets are released.

Of course, all this is but a taste of New York’s delicious smorgasbord, but one has to pick up one’s spork and start somewhere. Feel free to share your own NYC recommendations in the comments!