Strategies for surviving a Job That Sucks

Mention that you hate your job these days and you’re likely to be met with a look of disdain. A look that says “Suck it up, sweetcheeks, because in this economy you’re lucky to have a job at all”.

This attitude is kind of like walking up to a person who is eating a sandwich and letting them know that toddlers are starving in Somalia. Yes, they are, and that’s horrible. But the logical conclusion is not to box up your half-eaten pastrami on rye and FedEx it to Africa. Sacrificing yourself for the greater good is a noble cause indeed, but you shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for wanting to attend to your own needs.

Creative types have particular difficulty with the Job That Sucks (JTS). Stick an artist or performer in a cubicle farm or automated environment and things get weird. The fluorescent lighting, management speak and pervasive silence of the corporate world quickly exact their toll. At first it’s almost a novelty — actors can pretend they’ve been cast in the sequel to Office Space; illustrators can caricature their micromanaging bosses during those interminable Monday meetings. But after a few months, the novelty wears off. Things get tedious. YouTube fatigue sets in.

If you are currently employed in a Job That Sucks (JTS) and have just about had enough, you have two options: find ways to make it tolerable while you scope out a new gig, or quit in a blaze of screw-you glory. Given the stupid economic stupid crisis stupid thing, it may be financially prudent to opt for the former. (Ugh, boring, but even wafty living-in-a-dream-world types need to think about practicalities occasionally.)

With all that in mind, here are a few ways to entertain yourself during those days of purgatory before you hand in your resignation.

• Choose a motif for every week and coordinate your clothing, behaviour and lunch plans accordingly. The subtlety involved will depend on how square your management types are, but even adding just a themed accessory will keep your spirits up. For example, Alice in Wonderland Week could involve sticking a queen-of-hearts playing card in the breast pocket of your jacket, placed just so it peeks out a little. If you work in a call centre and no-one cares what you wear, turn up to work in a giant mad hat. Lunch would be tiny cupcakes and bottles of liquid labelled “Drink Me”. If you really can’t stand your co-workers, bring enough to share and add poison to every second one. Just kidding.
• Find an ally. The majority of offices — especially larger ones — will contain at least one person who is on your level. They’ll get it. They’ll be able to vent with you about ridiculous routines, overblown office egos and time-wasting meetings. Seeking out this person can be tricky, but pay attention during team meetings. If you spot someone who seems to be chuckling at the ridiculousness of it all, nab ‘em in the office kitchen and strike up a conversation.
• Use The Method. This one’s for the actors out there. Pretend you are researching a role. You are not going off to an office every day, you are immersing yourself deeply in the environment of your character. Every interaction allows for a deeper understanding of your protagonist’s psychology. Take notes.
• Give everyone a theme song. Pretty sure I’m ripping off this idea from Ally McBeal, but don’t underestimate the value of ten-year-old pop culture references. Think of an appropriate tune for the core characters in your work environment, then play that song in your head whenever you spy them approaching. Not only is this amusing, it contributes to a larger fantasy: your life as a movie, complete with soundtrack. How cool is that?
• Concentrate on the good bits. No matter how crazy-making your job is, there are positives to be had. For example, working in retail is akin to repeatedly striking your soul with a potato masher, but at least it exposes you to the full spectrum of humanity. You can use this to your advantage when sketching out characters for your first novel.