Today I got a comment on this very blog from a guy called Jim asking whether I was an introvert or an extrovert. He cited characteristics that would fit into both categories and offered to conduct a “thousand-question-strong Voigt-Kampff test“.
I’m going to politely decline the polygraph, Jim, but I thought the broader topic of extroversion and introversion was rather interesting, and decided to reply via video. Here is some talk about personality, authenticity, social personas and an unnerving encounter at a dinner party. Oh, and Rolf Harris pops up during a gratuitous divergence near the end.
(By the way, I now upload videos to YouTube pretty regularly, so if you fancy seeing each one as soon as the ones and zeroes have whizzed up the tubes, please subscribe to my channel. Cheers!)
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Myself, my introversion and extroversion tendencies are best described as a hobbit with a wizard friend who scribbles on my door front without my knowledge.
I enjoy my hobbit hole. Its got everything I need, and on infrequent occasions company comes by and I abide.
But every once in a while, my wizard friend comes along, and writes a secret message on my door. And just like that, I’m whisked away on some fanciful journey, which to the surprise of all those around me (except the wizard, of course), I come out shiny and oft times with a trinket to remember the adventure by.
And with all said and done, I return to my cozy shire, no worse for the wear and with a tale to tell. And as much as I enjoy spending time with my wizard friend, as long as he keeps his scribbles upon my door to a minimum.
Personally, I feel myself as an introvert. I’m more reserved and I love to observe. Perhaps, it’s the sociologist in me when it comes to observing. Either way, put me in social situations, I tend to be quiet, observant and mingle with the company. I don’t tend to stand out. However, when I’m in smaller company, I tend to be more of an extrovert. I tend to be more talkative and the “alpha male,” if I may.
Those who truly knows me would consider me as an introvert. Those who don’t know me well often see me as an extrovert. What is odd is that through my online presence, blogging, Twitter & YouTube, people see me as an extrovert. Perhaps it’s my inner self breaking out? Or maybe it’s a platform that I can be dominant on. Who knows.
I agree with the statement of people having different personas, or to clarify, each person has multiple personas. This shouldn’t be confused with multiple personalities, which generally doesn’t allow sharing of information between personas.
However, many of us have a construct for interaction based on a multitude of variables. This might include comfort level, comparative social status, interest levels, how much we’ve slept in the last 36 hours, etc.
I’ll also agree about the protections and controls offered through publishing (Internet or otherwise) vs. in-person interactions. As you say, an edit can happen at any time. What looks like a 5 minute clip, or a 500 word article might very well have been constructed over a matter of days. That sort of time investment isn’t plausible over a cup of coffee or a typical weekend party.
I have nothing else to say because the rest of my thoughts are rambly in comparison. Thanks for what you share.
WFR,
JDSD
Thank you for this daring video comment! I found it highly interesting. I think you describe yourself the way I perceive you when watching your shows. So in that sense I believe you know quite a bit about yourself and don’t have to be worried about living in state of self-denial
The real you is the you that operates with the least amount of effort and stress and feels most comfortable and authentic. I do believe that one can be introvert and extrovert depending on ones state of mind and surrounding. The problem is that introversion/extroversion are often confused as insecure/secure. Being introvert, but seeing it as a disadvantage can lead to “extrovert” behavior in unknown social situations. I guess that is when others think or feel that we are acting, are trying to be the funny person to hide something.
I think it is sad, that the term introvert has a more negative connotation than extrovert. Because there is no reason for that. After all, an introverted person is not a socially handicapped person.
So maybe this guy you were talking to thought he saw the real you because he simply could not believe that a person who is so fundamentally different would bother taking to him. After all we look for compatible people around us. But what he might have misunderstood is that there are different ways of engaging into social mingling.
The remaining question is, why do people keep on commenting on your personality? Could it be that the extroverted self cares more about what other people think than the introverted self? Might this be the inviting part for people to raise the question? Could it be that your introverted side appears to be more “natural” than your extroverted one?
Actually, what was the question?
Introvert here. I tend to be pretty quiet at gatherings, I only get ‘frolicky’ with closer friends and family. (Of course, I’m a giant silly child with my wife.) I like to tell jokes and stuff, but only where I’m generally ’safe’.
Charles had some great points, particularly about introversion having a more negative connotation. And this: “So maybe this guy you were talking to thought he saw the real you because he simply could not believe that a person who is so fundamentally different would bother taking to him.” I don’t think I’ve ever seen that thought expressed so well. I see that very much in myself.
Of course with all the badguy news nowadays, where in almost every case, the badguy was “quiet and kept to himself,” the introvert label continues a downward spiral into negativity.
I suppose “normal people” (just who the f*** are these people, and why would I want to be one??) adapt to the situation in which they find themselves. I subscribe to the notion that the loudest person in the room generally isn’t the most interesting, unless they are… I think this relates very closely to the “self-promotion” post you made a few weeks ago. Things that are “worth saying,” often aren’t really “worth saying,” to EVERYONE, but maybe just to people who might care.
And I see I have begun to ramble.
Sounds like the guy you were talking to at the party was a douchebag.
The overwhelming majority of Geniuses are Introverts.
A little bit more interesting is to take the Myers-Briggs Personality Test and see what basic type you are, and if the test is at all accurate for you. Tickle.com had some fun tests, but they’re closed now.
I agree, Introversion is judged to be a bad thing.
I believe you can do both when appropriate; not everyone has to be marginalized to one extreme or another.
How could that guy have seen the real you? Most people avoid trying to get close to others because it interferes with their fantasies.
Tori
What about us ambiverts? Ambiverts are people who think like introverts but communicate like extroverts?
I am an ambivert. I always think of my actions, i like being in solitude and i worry alot, but at the same time i live a social lifestyle of an extrovert where i always go clubbing, hang out with friends, play sports and more.
But being an ambivert has its costs. My ambiversion led people to think me as irritating or bipolar. But i love hanging out with introverts and extroverts. Introverts help me study as a college student, while extroverts keep me in the social status as a DJ.
All the benefits of both?!??
I officially hate ambiverts.
Andy Warhol had a project once where he would put somebody in a room alone with a camera and just film them. Most people would mug or try to be interesting for a while, but eventually (sometimes 5 minutes later, sometimes an hour) they would stop performing for the camera and just sit there, showing the camera their “real” self. That’s what Mr. I Hate Everything But Still Go To Parties saw. It’s as real as all the other facets of your personality, no more, no less. Whatever your reaction to another person or scenario is, it’s a REAL reaction.
As far as the introvert/extrovert qeustion goes, many people (myself included) can be so introverted that they kinda twist themselves inside out and become extroverted in extreme social situations. I for one am deathly afraid of public speaking, yet I nonetheless found myself performing on stage in several bands. Like you said, many performers are actually very quiet in person. I wil say this: Introverts think so much it makes it difficult to talk/ Extroverts talk so much it makes it difficult to think. Lastly, I have met precious few book readers that are truly extroverted.
What about the concept of introversion-extroversion with respect to the types of environments which mentally energize a person? In this regard, extroverts are energized by highly social situations, whereas introverts can function perfectly well socially, but find it draining, and subsequently need to recharge in quieter, and perhaps, solitary settings. Where do you unwind and recharge? At a party or on the couch?
I completely understand what you’re saying here. I consider myself an introvert, yet I teach classes with ~100 undergrads and absolutely LOVE getting up there in front of them each day. There’s a performance aspect to it that I enjoy and feed off of. Lectures are often followed by about an hour of quiet time in my office to recuperate.
I usually feel awkward talking with people at parties unless I know them well.
Found your blog via your youtube vidoe on journaling (I’m a sucker for journal writing too) and then came here… I’m a introvert, and I think that because I find my energy when I’m a lone and when I’ve spent time with lots of people I need “down time” to recover and rest.
Take care!
Come on, aren’t we all a bit bipolar?
)
Ella,
Introversion and Extroversion are traits everybody displays. What is interesting is to determine the dominant trait and how this relates to personhood. For instance, I could be an intoverted child, extroverted adolescent and introverted adult. Whenever we try to apply a judgement like this to our totality – we are applying this distinction to what is commonly known as the ’self’.
If we start thinking about the here-and-now; and how the traits manifest themselves – say because the question is like a pebble in your shoe – then it would be good to note how the ‘Ego’ (you living in your everday bubble) is struggling with some sort of un-concious pressure. The unconcious is an interesting concept because if you conciously recognize your introvertedness as dominant – you wont realize how the subordinant trait (being extrovert) is manifested in your personality. You might be perplexed to this trait and how it relates to yourself, others and whether or not your ego can even handle ‘the raw truth’ (for instance you are ‘closested extrovert’ who has this instinctive animal nature that goes out into the world and racks up more hits on YouTube than that ‘Save Britney’ hysteric)…. ummm Just sayin
There are several ways to start drawing conclusions.
1. The reason you are asking the question means you need to work on it;
2. It’s hard coming to terms with yourself when you find out you are being unconciously extroverted because say, you loved the rush of running around with a big stick that made lots of noise. Why wouldn’t you though? It felt good, it was fun, and frankly it beat all other options that you probably had at the time (my guess).
3. If you accept your introversion, then it may be difficult to understand and realize your extroversion – and the deep seated needs behind it – and the other ways to get them met, and to realize that you might be doing them for some stupid sounding reason (like you had pyjamas that had kangaroos on them and this made you feel insecure as a child etc etc…)
4.Ultimately, I feel the goal of being perplexed in this manner is simply ‘your greater self’ trying to master an understanding of how these traits manifest themselves in the many different ways you relate to others – from the pit of your soul – all the way from the deepest connections, to the most mundane of interactions. The calling for a deep relationship with oneself is a need that all humans have, yet it is a pivotal moment when the journey is undertaken to integrate these findings into your personality. It’s growth….
5. On the question of when are you not your real self? I would suggest that you watch “I heart Huckabees” to try and wrestle with that one in a fun and congenial way.
6. Dreams are a great way of relating to the unconcious. If you have a dream where your subordinate trait shows up in a dream character – write it down and describe what its doing, what it looked like, what it said… etc etc. Sometimes these characters don’t even appear as humans in dreams – say for instance a mole that won’t come out of its hole, or a Rooster that won’t shut-up could be very indicative of unconcious traits of extroversion and introversion.
All the best./
People like to talk about introverted traits and extroverted traits, but introversion and extroversion is something that is difficult to point at and identify. People don’t *act* like introverts or extroverts, they *feel* like introverts and extroverts.
I am an extreme introvert. That doesn’t mean I can’t talk to people, or am wary of injecting my opinion into a conversation. In fact, I am often the most talkative person in the room, and I am often labeled an extrovert. But interacting with people wears me out. For every 1 hour of socializing I need about 2 hours to myself to recover and mentally recharge. And I mean by myself —sitting quietly with family or friends doesn’t cut it. I need to be completely alone.
I therefore approach socializing like jogging or going to the gym. I do it because I know that it is good for me, and I generally enjoy myself and feel better about myself afterwards. But I dread the anticipation of it and would avoid it if I could.
Cheers!
Dave I